The Ultimate Answer to "When are you having kids?"
Tired of your parents asking for grandkids? Hand them this. Crafted from ultra-dense, slow-rebound TPR memory silicone and filled with a kinetic sand core, this is not a toy. It is a highly durable, physical manifestation of your existential dread.
Why you need it:
The Perfect Gag Gift: Watch your mother's face drop when you present her with the only heir she's getting this year.
Tactile Therapy: Squeeze it, stretch it, smash it into the desk. The material slowly rebounds back to its original, unsettlingly calm facial expression.
Built to take abuse: Designed to absorb maximum kinetic energy when your Zoom meeting could have been an email.
